Actual Dangers
What Parents Can Do
- Teach children to be cautious and aware of their
surroundings.
- Teach them safety and survival skills. It does not
frighten them it empowers them!
- Give them a firm foundation in moral and ethical behavior
(so they recognize inappropriate behavior.) It is irresponsible
to teach children that they must always obey their elders. This
can be confusing when an adult they admire is their abuser.
- Talk to them about "good touch and bad touch." Let them
know their bodies are special and off limits to others. Tell them
that children are never to blame when someone abuses them.
Abusers are extremely manipulative, they will say and do
anything to satisfy their urges.
- Keep the lines of communication open. If the child reports
suspicious behaviors to you, stay calm, do not show disbelief or
blame the child. Investigate the situation and report any
suspicious behaviors.
- Most cases of molestation are committed by someone the
child knows.
- Let the child know that you love them and want to keep
them safe.
- Direct your anger at the abuser - not the victim.
Many times
a child will tolerate a horrible situation because he or she is
afraid of your reaction. Be careful not to threaten to beat or kill
the abuser or the child may take on the guilt of having caused
the situation. It is important to realize abusive situations may go
on for some time (even years) before the child comes forward or
it may be something that happened days ago. If the child is still
thinking about the abuse it is still relevent and needs to be
addressed. Refrain from saying, "That was a long time ago, get
over it." That statement will imply that it didn't matter. To fully
heal, all the buried issues must be resolved.
- And most of all remember your child. A survivor of abuse
needs to be given increased love and support. It will take time to
recover from the abuse. It will affect the entire family.
- Complete healing usually requires some counseling. Getting
the secret out in the open is the first step. Remember, it takes a
lot of courage for a child (or adult) to come
forward. You must be strong and consistent in your support of
the child. You must also guard against the abuse taking over
your lives and the lives of other family members. Forgive the
child for being too trusting and forgive yourself (the caregiver)
for not preventing the situation. (Abusers are extremely
manipulative.) Give the child back some of the childhood the
abuse robbed her/him of by creating new memories of love and
trust.
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Virtual Dangers
Internet Safety
The Internet is an area that can pose
a very real threat to children. The anonymity of the
'Net offers adults the chance to pose as children, then try to
set up a face-to-face meeting.
Young teens may also be lured into virtual relationships with older
adults that may result in
actual encounters.
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What Parents Can Do
- Never give out identifying information- home address,
school name, or telephone
number - in a public message such as chat or bulletin boards,
and be sure you're
dealing with someone that both you and your child know and
trust before giving it out
via E-mail.
Use child protection software.
Some filters prevent children form being able to give out details online.
Teach your children the importance of not providing personal information online.
- Think carefully before revealing any personal information such
as age, marital status,
or financial information. Consider using a pseudonym or unlisting
your child's name
if your service allows it.
- Get to know the services your child uses. If you don't know
how to log on, get your
child to show you.
- Find out what types of information it offers and whether
there are ways for parents to
block out objectionable material.
- Never allow a child to arrange a face-to-face meeting with
another computer user
without parental permission.
- If a meeting is arranged, make the first one in a public spot,
and be sure to accompany
your child.
- Never respond to messages or bulletin board items that are
suggestive,
obscene, belligerent, threatening, or make you feel
uncomfortable.
- Encourage your children to tell you if they encounter such
messages.
- If you or your child receives a message that is harassing, of a
sexual nature, or
threatening, forward a copy of the message to your service
provider and ask for their
assistance. Explain to your children that the internet is being used by people who want to abuse children.
- Should you become aware of the transmission, use, or
viewing of child pornography
while online, immediately report this to the correct authorities (see our report section)
You should also
notify your online service.
- Remember that people online may not be who they seem.
Because you can't see or
even hear the person it would be easy for someone
to misrepresent him- or herself.
- Remember that everything you read online may not be true.
Any offer that's "too
good to be true" probably is. Be very careful about any offers
that involve your
coming to a meeting or having someone visit your house.
- Set reasonable rules and guidelines for computer use by your
children. Discuss these
rules and post them near the computer as a reminder.
- Remember to monitor their compliance with these rules,
especially when it comes to
the amount of time your children spend on the computer.
A child or teenager's
excessive use of online services or bulletin boards,
especially late at night, may be a clue
that there is a potential problem.
- Remember that personal computers and online services should
not be used
electronic babysitters.
- Be sure to make this a family activity. Keep the
computer in a family
room rather than the child's bedroom. Get to know
their "online friends" just as you
get to know all of their other friends.
- Ensure that your children maintain a balance between the Net and time with friends.
What Children Can Do:
Ask your child to observe the following rules:
- I will not give out personal information such as my address, telephone number,
parents' work address/telepho'ne number, or the name and location of my school
without my parents' permission.
- I will tell my parents right away if I come across any information that makes me feel
uncomfortable.
- I will never agree to get together with someone I "meet" online without first checking
with my parents. If my parents agree to the meeting, I will be sure that it is in a public
place and bring my mother or father along.
- I will never send a person my picture or anything else without first checking with my
parents.
- I will not respond to any messages that are mean or in any way make me feel
uncomfortable. It is not my fault if I get a message like that. If I do I will tell my
parents right away so that they can contact the online service.
- I will talk with my parents so that we can set up rules for going online. We will decide
upon the time of day that I can be online, the length of time I can be online, and
appropriate areas for me to visit. I will not access other areas or break these rules
without their permission.
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